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My Spiritual Awakening

Updated: May 21, 2019

Many of my spiritually curious clients ask me how I "got into all this stuff" so it figures that my online clients would like to know too. It didn't come from a dark night of the soul - nothing that dramatic - initially...

I can remember it like it was yesterday. It was the school spring break and I had not long had my 11th birthday. I was sitting in the garden as it was sunny, taking a break from revision by reading the last book of the Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis. After finishing the book I zoned out and I remember feeling like everything was clicking into place. I have no idea why it took that book for it to happen but that's how it happened.

I soon went to the local library and took out a book on Egyptian Gods and Goddesses, then the Greek, then Feng shui and finally I was drawn to Phyliss Curott's first book.

My parents resisted at first - fear was blocking them but thankfully, they didn't take much persuasion to open their minds a little and they have supported me with my spirituality ever since. I read as widely as I could into other pagan paths, both historically and modern, other esoteric and occult things including divination. My mom took me to the local spiritual shop and I purchased my first tarot deck, Osho Zen, and dowsing pendulum.

Things progressed nicely for years with my spirituality and then school got intense with exams and my favourite person became ill and passed away rather soon, a couple of days before my 16th birthday. There was other things going on at the time that were not good but essentially I had lost myself. All my magickal and wellness practices ground to a halt. I went on this downwards path for a year with my mental health getting worse by the day. I had stopped caring, felt isolated, invisible. I was punishing myself for existing - cue dark night of the soul.

One day, my mom came up with a cup of tea and a bar of chocolate with a message on it. In her own way she told me I couldn't keep going on like this and she wanted me to get help. At the time what she said hurt but in reality, it was what I needed to realise I was at rock bottom. It was sink or swim time. After months of mostly feeling apathetic I cried. I released all the crap and I slept. The next day when I woke up, the sun was shining bright into my room because I hadn't shut the curtains. I then heard my inner voice, my higher self. For the first time in what felt like forever, that voice was louder than the viscous bully voice (note this was still my voice, the one you think with in your head, it wasn't separate feeling as it can be with a hallucination or psychosis).

This higher voice parented me into getting myself up and to school and that day, my wonderful psychology teacher called me back after class to have a chat. She told me she'd noticed the decline in my demeanour and assured me that I didn't have to tell her what was going on if I didn't want to but she offered me a book to lend: Feel the Fear and do it Anyway. It was enough. Her noticing of me helped so much, just knowing someone cared that little bit. I got stuck into the book and life changed from there. I booked myself into the doctors. Unfortunately, he didn't "believe in" mental health and only offered me medication, which I rejected because I knew it wasn't for me. So I got back into Wicca and spirituality, yoga, meditation, used all of my psychology knowledge and further to get myself free of depression, body dysmorphia, obsessive compulsive disorder and trauma.

Anxiety was a longer battle (and I go more into that specifically in another post) but essentially I focused on building my self-esteem, self-belief, self-trust and self-love. I healed and overcame so much. That eventually led me to volunteer and use all I had learnt and was learning at university to help others whose situation I could empathise with.

Over a decade later, I look back at this experience and feel happy because it's what I needed to go through, to understand, so that I can be the version of myself that I am today and to do what I do. It pushed me more than anything else could have.

I really hope this post served you, if you feel you are going through something similar or your own awakening - know that getting though it is transformation - caterpillars into butterflies...

Authenticity, Wisdom, Love xo

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